QUALIFIED TO GIVE HOPE TO ANOTHER…
Dear Ones, as you who have been reading along, know the Kerugma Journey 2008 was interrupted (you can read back starting with the October entries.…especially the October 25th entry), in order to get the complete picture, and when you can read the “Internal Dialogue Journey” posted in pdf format on the right side.
In order to tell you My Story, I have to begin with Praise and Worship – Please take time to listen to it before reading on, because this is how it will best be told. I have been bursting to tell you all about it. My heart cries out with such humility, with all praise and honor for and to My GOD. My God favored me.
GOD Favored Me – Hezekiah Walker & Marvin Sapp by vegasvalleyresearch
Yes God Favored Me…I will tell you my story in three parts. Here is Part 1.
There is a song that says “ I got up with Heaven on My Mind” and that is what happened during the morning of November 23, 2008. I had been having this dream-like thing happening to me, but I knew I was awake, and I kept looking at the clock, it was 3:00 am. 4:00 am., etc., and I ket telling everyone (in my dream like state), that I had to get to the bus to see Jesus. I remember going to the bathroom about 5:00 a.m., and wandering through the house, and sort of upset that no one else was getting ready to go see Jesus who was going to be at this huge convention, and we had to get on the bus. I went back to bed, and the story would start again, where I was trying to get on a bus to see Jesus. Actually I could see him on the stage, and the auditorium was filling up, but I still had to board the bus, in order to actually get in to “see” Jesus. I felt so frustrated, and I got up several times, thinking it was Monday, (it was actually Sunday), and I got dressed, and waited in the living room for the others to get up, and get dressed and go get on the bus. I was caught up in this dream-like state.
I remember actually going out the front door, and looking at my neighbor’s driveways up and down the street. How odd, I thought all the neighbors cars are still in their driveways, and if they were not going to go see Jesus, then they should go to work! I was indignant. I went back in the house and made noise, but no one got up. Our two poodles, Kiki and Dolly were looking at me strangely. I thought to myself, that I had better walk them and feed them, before I went to take the bus.
Well in my confused state, I went out the back door (but without the dogs), and headed toward the driveway out to the street, but before I knew it I heard a terrible “whacking sound” (like a bat hitting a baseball). The next thing I know, I am lying on the ground (black-top driveway), and I am looking up at the sky. I feel a throbbing pain on the back and side of my head and realize that “whacking sound” was my head hitting the ground. As I reached up to soothe the throbbing pain in my head, I realize I am just 1” inch” (literally) away from having struck my head on the sharp edged bricks. I remember contemplating all of this and looking at the sky and thinking about Jesus and the bus. I try to separate reality and imagination, but am content to lie on the ground.
I remember opening my eyes again, because I can hear the dogs barking as if something has happened (I just didn’t know they were trying to get someone’s attention to help me). I was in such a state that I never thought to ask myself, why I had fallen, and why was I on the ground. I then realize that I am lying in the neighbor’s parking spot, and he usually pulls around the corner (blind spot) and parks quickly. Oh my God, I am going to be killed lying here I think to myself, so somehow I get up and go back inside, but notice the other neighbor’s cars are also there and have not gone to see Jesus or go to work. What is the matter with people, I wonder.
I go inside, and still nothing. I sit for a moment in the dining room, then I see all these people dressed in white robes filling up my hallway and going into the bathroom to get ready, and I think, oh I had better get ready. By the time I get to the bathroom, I forget why I am there or that I saw people in white robes, so I wander to the kitchen, and remember I have to feed the dogs. I remember standing at the sink, and not being able to open the dog food (cans), and next thing I know, I am sitting cross-legged on the kitchen floor, with my back against the refrigerator, and the opened cans of dog food underneath me, and Dolly, one of the poodles, licking me, and whimpering. I remember thinking, “fine time to be sitting down”, as I was trying to get to Jesus. However, the area, I fell in, is very narrow, and I needed help to get up. I had sense enough to tell Dolly to go get help, and she looked at me with an understanding look in her eyes, and ran away for help, except that she came back with Kiki, our other poodle. Let me interject, that Dolly was very proud of herself, I could tell by how she was twirling around me, and waitng for words of praise. Luckily Kiki on several occasions, has rescued my mother by alerting us to the fact that she is in trouble, by barking in a different way, and pulling on people, and making this sound, as if “talking”.
Well Kiki, (God bless his little heart), recognized that I was not in my correct senses, and ran for help. I didn’t recognize that he had run for help, but thought to myself, that dog did not let me pull on him, to help myself up. As I struggled to get up, I could hear him barking, and thought to myself, that’s good, they will have to get up now to go see Jesus. I finally was able to get to my feet, (not questioning why or how I had fallen). Then God sent Angels to my rescue. It all happened so fast, as I reached the kitchen doorway, my brother and my mom were coming through the livingroom from the hallway, and my sister-in-law, Maria, my neice Kathy, and baby Emma were coming through the front door (which I had left unlocked when looking up and down the street).
I must have looked a state, because they were all looking at me strangely, and I temporarily forgot that I was trying to make it to the special bus to see Jesus. Everyone began to question me “If I was allright?” Which I thought was a strange question. “Of course I’m fine”, I answered back, but then said, “you know I fell down” then added, “twice”. They began to ask me all kinds of questions, and all of a sudden there is talk of going to the emergency room. I must have been answering strangely, because they had these concerned looks on their faces. They were being so insistent, and I remembred that I did have this infection starting on the burn on my stomach and chest, so I thought “what the heck”. Maria, my sister-in-law insisted that she would drive me, and I told them I wanted to change my blouse, because dog food had gotten on me. I remember looking at my neice Kathy as I passed her, and she had this worried look on her face, and my mother was beginning to cry. “Sheesh, what a fuss”, I thought.
I went to the bathroom, and changed my blouse, and someone began pounding at the door, I guess I had taken longer than I thought, and was feeling “foggy”. “Let me just comb my hair”, I called out, and remember going to unlock the bathroom door, and went to the sink and got the brush and just stood there, (like phasing out), I remembred thinking I have to brush my hair, because now I have a ride to catch the bus for Jesus, and then I focused in at myself in the mirror, and was surprised to see my very tall nephew Jason, standing behind me smiling, and talking gently to me, “Hi Alma, how are you” he said. “I’m fine,” I answered.
The next thing I know, I hear ambulance sirens and feel and see Jason, my nephew taking me down to the floor gently, and then I am lying on my side on the bathroom floor, and paramedics are flowing into the bathroom. I can hear them talking, and hear Jason describe what sounds like a seizure, and then I hear the paramedics talking to one another, and saying “the family says she has not been herself, and has been falling down, and going into ‘trance-like” states, and she is not aware of this happening to her”. I finally find my voice, and say, “I’m fine really, I just felt a little weak and must be tired,” instead the paremedics and my older brother Joe, and Jason (his son ) are all engaged in conversation regarding me. I remember being amused about all this silly attention when all I really have is this nasty burn and I keep falling. Suddenly, I am being taken away in a gurney, out of the hallway, out of the living room, and outside, being wheeled backwards, and I can see all of the family members who are there looking so concerened and really almost sad, and my mom is crying, and the dogs are whimpering. Next thing I know, I am lying in the ambulance, and the paramedic is calling out “hold her, she’s seizing again”. I remember thinking, “Oh my God, who is seizing?”, and sort-of reasoning, “it must be me.”
The next thing I remember I wake up in a white sterile like room. I see a curtain, and think that I must have made it to the bus, and Jesus must be behind that curtain, when suddenly I feel all kinds of hands tugging on me. I then realize it is several male and female nurses prepping me with all kinds of tubes and needles, and sheets, and all this “busyness” going on, and I can hear the paramedics and ER personnel exchaning information, and then I can distinguish the voices of my newhew Jason’s and neice Kathy. I phase out again.
Following that I remember requesting to get up to go to the bathroom, which everyone thought was strange, and the male nurse was struggling with me to place a catheter, “oh no you’re not” I said sharply, and struggled so much that the doctor finally said “let her go’ and ordered people to assist me. My nephew Jason was there, and was holding me strongly, as I took the requred steps to go to the bathroom, and all these faces from strangers (medical personnel) were staring at me, and I was so embarrassed because they were watching me and they all knew I had to go to the bathroom.
Let me say that I made it all the way into the bathroom past the door, and the next thing, I know I was being dragged back to the gurney, and people are yelling out, she is “seizing”. That is the last thing I remember in the ER department.
The next thing I remember is waking up in the Intensive Care Unit late in the afternoon. Guess what I woke up with a catheter! A nurse walked in to the room, and was suprised to find me awake, and quickly scurried away, calling out “she’s awake”. “Of course I’m awake”, I muttered to myself, not understanding. In my confused state, I tried to move to make the bus to see Jesus, but my body was not responding to my commands. I again wandered off into a “sleep” and was so delighted that I finally reached the auditorium where Jesus was, and I wandered up and down the steps, and all the seats were full, and they were all praiisng and worshipping. Finally an usher told me that I had to take the bus, to which I retorted, “but I’m already here”. The usher was gently trying to reason with me that I had to take a seat on the bus, and then I would be escorted to a seat into the auditorium. He showed me the way to the bus. As I exited the auditorium, I saw so many buses (like yellow school buses), lined up and they were all full. As I stood in line, I finally made it to the door of the bus, and the conductor told me, that I could not get on the bus. He told me it was not my time to take the bus, and there was no seat for me on this bus, and closed the doors on me, which saddened me greatly, and as I looked at the bus pulling away, then I saw Jesus smiling gently at me from the corridor of the bus. That is the last thought I had and slept for what seemed like ages.
I awakened to hear a doctor and the voice of my sister Mary Lou, neice Kathy, and Jason my nephew and they were being told that I had suffered six seizures and was told I had diabetes, with blood sugars over 300. The nurses seemed surprised that I was awake. It seemed like everytime I woke up, they began to poke me and ask me all inds of questions.
I remember conversations about me between family members, nurses and the doctor. Many times I was aware of them, but seemed to be asleep, and other times, I would actually be alert and engaging in conversations. I remember thinking before phasing out again, “I don’t understand this, but I know this for sure, HE is not finished with me yet! Diabetes? Me?. I remember so clearly that I told myself, “It is a blood disease, and I am covered by the blood. It says so in Revelations (the Blood of the Lamb).” I tried to remember a specific verse from anywhere in the bible, but couldn’t, so I told the Lord “remember the Words written in red.”
In the October 25, 2008 Kairos entry I wrote the following:
“This journey became heavy in my heart, as I came before God, and spoke to him of the other journey, the Internal Dialogue Journey. I had so many questions as to the other journey. So many wrote to me, and questioned me on the purpose of that journey, and how so many had heavy hearts. I too felt restless, and knew that the Journey had to have an “epilogue’ an ending. I saw to many hurting hearts, and people fall away from the Lord in the year following that Journey. I could not let it go. I asked the Lord to speak to me of these things. It was to be in Kairos time, so I waited, ready to hear.
At the end of September 2008, I knew the time to embark on that journey was near. I shared with a few dear souls that a Journey was on the horizon. In pursuit of this Journey, I prayed “cause me to know the purpose”. Be careful what you pray for.”
Well as I was saying, at the end of that Sunday, I knew I was getting the answer to my Kerugma Journey. God honored, my request “cause me to know.” I remember that I woke up and was very much aware of my place, location and time. I was in the intensive care unit and it was past 1:00 in the morning. Just the light from the nurses station shone into the room, and the lights on the hospital headboard. I strained my head upward and reached the control and sat myself up in the bed. I lay my head back, feeling exhausted from such a simple task. I looked up again, and at the foot of the bed, I saw Topi, clear as day, as real as you and me. She was wearing the pink dress she is pictured in on the memorial site (http://www.mem.com/ViewImages.aspx?ID=1877341). She had that grin we all came to love and know, and had her head to one side. I blinked and rubbed my eyes, and she was still standing there. I whispered her name. She said in such a loving voice “Don’t stop the message,” then in a more insistent voice, she said “Don’t stop the message,”, and then she said “tell them to go to the river” and then in her signature saying, “mija…tell them HE is coming in YOUR time” and finally she said “Don’t stop the message.” Then she was gone. I share this experience not to debate if it was scriptural or from God, but that it was real to me in that situation on that day.
What is so awesome about this? So many things, first of all “Don’t stop the message,” Kerugma (Greek) means “proclamation” or “messenger” (Kerugma means – Greek Word –(Strong’s 2782) – proclamation; message preached; Also, Greek Lexicon – (Bible Crosswalk) Kerugma – that which is proclaimed by a herald or public crier.
Another awesome fact – The message is sent out through Kairoskingdomwomen weblog – Kairos is an ancient Greek word meaning the “right or opportune moment”. The ancient Greeks had two words for time, chronos and kairos. While the former refers to chronological or sequential time, the word Kairos signifies “a time in between”, a moment of undetermined period of time in which “something” special happens. What the special something is depends on who is using the word. In the New Testament, the word kairos is used very specifically. A fuller translation would be, “God’s appointed/approved time” (Mark 1:15, 2 Corinthians 6:2, 1 Peter 5:6). In addition, Kairos is the Greek word for a unique moment in time, a predestined era. An Author describes “kairos” this way: “The hour which is the God-given moment of destiny not to be shrunk from but seized with decisiveness, the floodtide of opportunity and demand in which the unseen waters of the future surge down to the present.” Topi’s message was “mija…tell them HE is coming in YOUR time” That means in your and my lifetime.
What else is so awesome about this? Her words – “tell them to go to the river” There is an entry in the “Internal Dialogue” on March 21, 2007 – where I receive WORDS meaning heavenly and river. When Topi lapsed into a coma, I had this assurance that she was sitting beside the banks of the River of Life (Ezequiel and Revelations). I pictured her there. I spoke of this river bank too many people. What is the message of Revelations 22- 1 to 5: “Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from The Throne of God and of The Lamb down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of The Lamb will be in the city, and His servants will serve Him. They will see His face, and His name will be on their foreheads. There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for The Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever.”
Topi’s death brought attention to OUR access to heaven and to our heavenly heritage. We were not meant to be permanent on this earth, we were sent for a time. Some choose to fulfill God’s purpose while here, and others miss the train. Topi’s life has shown me to ask God what is his purpose for my life, not what I wish for my life. Topi sowed into my life in so many ways: She taught me about a prayer closet, she told me of reading God’s love letters, and about the love letters she wrote back in her journals. She said those were intimate times between her and her Lord.
Revelations 21 & 22 from djemil5
